As my faith has shifted I have become underwhelmed with much of my tradition. I’ve hodge-podged new rituals out of other practices and looked in dusty nooks of this one for meaningful expressions of a spirituality that no longer fits … Continue reading
Category Archives: Community
On the First Anniversary
People talk about the first year as though crossing that threshold is a thing. I used to hate it because it felt like there was an expectation that a person would be done grieving after a year. But I don’t … Continue reading
Inland Strong
The power to our house has been out for 7 cold-and-getting-colder nights since what has been called Windpocolypse – the worst wind storm since the grid went up, folks. That’s 126 years of crossing fingers that it wouldn’t happen. Someone … Continue reading
Something Small
I wanted to be a missionary for a handful of years, did I ever tell you that? I spent a good amount of formative time in a culture which offered few acceptable options for young girls. I could choose … Continue reading
The People
Sometimes it feels too long. It feels like too much. I heard so many times that the third child is the hardest adjustment so anxiety crept up and took over as the Grandmas – the helpers, the burpers, the diaper-changers, the … Continue reading
Light Like Lavender
Someone once told me that she was glad to be done with her 20s. I was 20 at the time and she looked at me with soft pity and said, “Oh man, twenties are the hardest. Just wait until your … Continue reading
In Need of Help!
My friend and I are starting a new blog for moms anywhere not he spectrum of “crunchy.” We want to foster our local community, share our hearts and be a place for Mommas to find encouragement and have fun! I … Continue reading
A Letter to my City
I see you, Spokane. I see your smiles and waves and the way your breeze brings an appreciated respite from your hot summer days. I see your street fairs and parks dotted all over in your attempt to get people … Continue reading
Baby Berry 2’s Baby Sprinkle
So, I kind of have the best friends. Sorry. Yours are probably cool, too. A few of them {Tessa, Krista & Hannah} got their sweet and thoughtful heads together and came up with the PERFECT baby shower for Baby Berry … Continue reading
"Every Good and Perfect Gift Comes from Above"
I miss him. That has not changed.
The “rule” I discovered about his departure bringing minor calamities has proven true as well. RJ got splinters all over the bottom of her feet (and she won’t let me remove them), a big diaper rash suddenly formed, Gabe’s laptop just wouldn’t turn on so we couldn’t use that to communicate, Raychel has bled for the first time from a fall… and then repeated it twice more…
Not that I’m really complaining because honestly, these things just make the situation funny. We are so crazy blessed… The splinters aren’t hurting her, her rash went away with treatment, Gabe has a smartphone and his computer kicked back in, and RJ now knows not to lean back on her walker.
And God uses these times. Last week RJ was crying and I really didn’t know how to help. It was her nap time, but I thought she could use a little more milk, too. So I laid her down in her crib. I was hesitant, but it was as if God was right there with me holding my hand as I quietly left her room and closed the door. She was screaming and I felt a peace…
“It’s okay. Give her a minute. Let’s see if she’ll sleep.”
When she wouldn’t, I went back in without any panic and nursed her some more. God didn’t tell me exactly what would work, but I felt affirmed and very much supported. I was co-parenting only Gabe wasn’t there. I don’t know if God was really speaking to me or if it was just something I fabricated, but I do know that the peace was from Him. I didn’t feel overwhelmed because He let me know somehow that I wasn’t alone.
Beyond that, there has been a calm here. I was so nervous before Gabe left because past separations have been so, so hard and that was without another little human needing constant attention. Yet God is showing me such incredible grace and guiding us so sweetly. Last week I was thinking about it and felt so scared to say anything to anyone. I didn’t want to let the secret out and invite Satan to ruin my good time… Almost immediately after the thought surfaced in my consciousness I was convicted by the Spirit,
“How dare you? What makes you think you have the right to keep God’s mercy quiet? What makes you think you are allowed to sit on the glory He is revealing?”
So maybe everything will fall apart. Maybe hitting “publish” on this post will be the last thing I do in this state, but if that happens, it won’t take away from what God has done. I have enjoyed a week and a half of joy and peace with my sweet daughter. I honestly didn’t think it could be this good. We miss Gabe so much. We both want to be with him – our protector and provider. But we are also being visited by a personal, generous Savior God in a new way. He is showing me once again who is the protector and provider. I know myself well enough to know that what we are experiencing is absolutely not my doing. His love is intimidating and inviting all at once. He has opened His great arms to us and we are so safe in His embrace. I truly have no other explanation for the state of mind I’m in.
One way He is holding our hands is through this amazing community He’s placed us in. To all of our brothers and sisters: thank you. We have been flooded with love in many forms: notes, visits, gifts, favors… It’s overwhelming. Last night Hannah and Mikel heard I didn’t have a car and sent me home from Bible Study with theirs!! I mean, really, what kind of love is this? It’s the good kind and we know just where it comes from.