When an unshakeable faith in God is shaken. Continue reading
Category Archives: God
You Are Not a Worm
Like most mothers, I adore my children. Like most mothers, I have this sense that I sort of “woke up” when they came into the world – as if I were only half living before. Like most mothers I catch myself in awe of their beauty and creativity and strength. And like most mothers, I get overwhelmed, infuriated, worn out, and exhausted doing this thing.
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My children do not obey me “first time, every time,” they don’t follow all my sound advice, they don’t thank me for everything I do. Most days include sensory-overload and I reach a point where I’d love nothing more than for them to leave me alone for a bit. There are times when I would be totally happy to let them sit in front of brain-sucking screens for an hour (or three) while I enjoy not listening to the noise that is my beloveds. Times when I would love to hear a “you’re right, Mom, I should not hit my brother, here’s a coffee, I’m going to go lead a calm game outside with the siblings I cherish.” Continue reading
Not Peace, but a Sword
Growing up Christian meant toddling into the idea that Jesus is a friend, that God so loved the world, that we are brothers and sisters and children of one Creator. I never had the chance to wonder about humanity’s worth … Continue reading
Now
Often beside a cluttered kitchen, overlooking a disaster of a living room, my family sits down to eat dinner (usually later than I’d like to admit). At the table next to a lamp we have a little chalkboard on … Continue reading
I Will Not Serve a God
I will not serve a God of vengeance
For whom justice burrows path
For one day justice turns on me
And my submission bows to wrath
I will not serve a God of joy
Promises of pleasures boast
For full of joy my gut will burn
And sick I’ll be of champagne toasts
I will not serve a God of wealth
Who might deliver fortunes, still
My desires can’t be numbered
And power binds a slave to kill
I will not serve a God of nations
Of tradition, God of tribe
I’d keep rules and build tall fences
And break sacred human ties
But I will serve a God of Love
Whose heart is here among us
Whose borders, ever open
Invite the faithful and forgotten
I will follow Love past lines
Deep in the wilderness
And dance around great fires
Sisters built in holy rest
I’ll join Love’s song recalling
The story of our birth
And lean on brother’s harmonies
We together find our worth
And we will call out loud with Love
To our people not yet free
“You are welcome by our fires!
Come sing and dance with Me!”
Love’s wild ones know darkness
We agree we’ll never hide
Instead we’ll borrow courage
From each other’s hands held tight
Love gathers close and solemn,
One stern command to learn:
“We will wait for all to join us.”
For that’s the God I serve
Blowing Out the Candle
So the lights go out. And whatever was said before it or during it, you can’t escape that the lights are off and the candles are warm. Every year we go to that Lutheran sanctuary – with the steps Mom … Continue reading
Evil, Chaos, and Seashells
I don’t remember what brought us there. I don’t remember if we’d had a fight or something had happened to her at work or something else, but I remember arriving to seagulls and salty air and watching her make her … Continue reading
When Those Songs Play
There is a station on my Pandora account – I named it “My Nest” – which I have thumbed up and thumbed down to perfection. Just about every song is deeply meaningful to me because this station has played through 2 … Continue reading
It’s not a secret: I have been doubting, squinting, cocking my head at all the things I thought I knew. I have been wrestling with… whatever the hell we wrestle with in existential crises – which is the question here, … Continue reading
Then Jesus
This year I elected to go to a Good Friday service because this year I am struggling with the faith thing, with the Christian thing, with the God thing. I thought that maybe going to a service intended to bring … Continue reading