Oh, she took my heart like the sweetest thief. I didn’t stand a chance once that blue-eyed, olive skinned, miniature me came into this world and clutched my chest while she studied me. It was instant. That girl was my world. Then when the struggle came we worked back to that joy through awkward growing pains and contrarian emotions.
When we had RJ my role as a woman became a central theme in my day-to-day story. I studied and prayed and pondered what it meant to be the final work we would be molding our adorable bit of clay into. Woman.
Wifemotherfriendsistermentorstudentjesusloverartisthomemaker… I spend a lot of time intentionally and unintentionally showing her what it means to do this thing. I’m so honored to do it. Every day I’m struck with the bounty in my care. She resembles me and mimics me and challenges me to love better and embrace my femininity more fully. I want her to be grateful to be a woman so I’m giving into gratitude more, too.
And now we have a son. Who will become a Man. His arrival is causing me to chew over my influence once more. I want him to see a good woman every day for different reasons. I want him to have respect for the strength and the gentility of womanhood. I want him to be attracted to the kind of woman who will bless him. I want him to recognize the qualities of a good mother when he’s choosing the mother of his children. So my charge is still example, but my emphasis is shifting again. I can’t explain it better than that; my day-to-day is the same, but my hopes for what Eleazar will learn from the person he will see the very most in his childhood (that’s me, Lord willing!) are complementary to what I want Raychel to learn while decidedly different.
And this boy has stolen my heart, too. So fully and so sweetly, but so differently. Eli came and of course, I was in love (yaaay oxytocin), but it was more comfortable. And in the following weeks it was almost like he courted my mothering heart. I always joke how with RJ I felt like she was judging me. With Eli I feel like he just adores me. I don’t mean that to be prideful; when he sees me he lights up. It’s like RJ had to figure me out first, but Eli is just smitten, no questions asked. I don’t know if it’s a first/second thing or a boy/girl thing or a personality thing, but I know that RJ got all the insecurities that comes with a first time mom. When Eli came our home economy was already based on having a little around so he fits into it more smoothly. RJ was born into a solidified couple, not a family. Eli came to three Sedberrys, not two and his very first seconds out of the womb were in his actual home. That has an impact.
So I am already enjoying having a son. I adore my Raychel – she brings so much joy and light into this home and we are daily rejoicing for her. And now we are delighting in another beautiful, light-bearing child with his own personality shaping and his own special way of making us a family. And I’m excited to see how God will form Gabe and I into parents of a becoming-Man.